chris' Incredibly awesome spectacular blog

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Chris’ rant # 126

Ok well this is old so bear with me, at clinic the coolest man ever came in and I got to see him. I had seen this guy before and he was very nice and that continued. Pt is a 51 year old AAM who presents to clinic for a f/u concerning HTN. Pt states that he is taking all his medications and can state what and how much he is taking. Lisinopril 10mg QD and HCTZ 25mg QD. Pt states that he never went to the Dr. until about 9 months ago when his uncle died and it got him thinking about his own health. At that time he smoked 1ppd with a 30 year history, and he drank about 1 pint per day of hard liquor, didn’t exercise or eat right, and had a BP of 160/95. Now pt has quit smoking, only drinks on the weekends, exercises every day for at least 30 min and eats right, his BP today is 100/55, and his only complaint is dizzy spells when he stands up that happen about three times/day. Pt was taken off of his HCTZ and told to keep it up. This guy is awesome, we are also on a first name basis and he is quite the exception to our normal patients. This just shows that some people actually care about their health and I hope that this gives everyone who is reading this hope that all Truman patients do get better.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Chris’ rant # 125

Ok with the information I have given you so far you should be relatively fine. Just follow what I have said and you will be ok in the case of a zombie attack. Wait there is one more thing. No matter what don’t split up. If I have seen it once I have seen it a million time, people don’t think that they will split up because that is stupid but it will happen and before it does you must stop it at all costs. So the reason for splitting up may seem like the best thing to do but to some people it makes sense to stay together after all strength in numbers is kind of important. Now there is an exception to the rule, if you happen to be the main character then you will be at fine until at least everyone else is killed. Now you have to make sure that you are the main character and not just a pseudo or fake main character, because those people die. Also don’t be an ass because the ass hole dies in the worst way possible. And I should probably tell you that sometimes no matter what you do everyone dies, so sorry and good luck.

Chris’ rant # 124

Well at some point you will for get my advice and try something crazy, its ok no one really listens to me anyway but at least take this advice just in case. When you plot some awesome plan to do something crazy don’t just make a plan B but a plan C, D, E, … well just plan for everything that could go wrong to go wrong and even expect those plans to fail as well. Trust me here your first plan will fail somehow so if you have plenty of backup plans you will do at least a little better. Zombies may seem stupid but I believe that they actually are smarter because somehow by what some consider randomness they have the amazing ability to foil plans and kill. Just be prepared for anything.

Chris’ rant # 123

Well now that you will not ever go out of your way for no reason to see what that noise is you have to begin to prepare for the worst case scenario. Well at some point in your adventure to get out of where ever you are getting away from you will meet problems. Most likely someone will be left behind or will be trapped and you will want to go save her (lets face it for some reason it is always a girl, I wont discuss why I think it is). Women will always try to make things more complicated then they should be, so my advice is forget about her there are plenty of fish in the sea and the fuzzy feeling you get from saving some girls life doesn’t quite make up for the bite marks in your neck.

Chris’ rant # 122

After you realize that you need to aim for the head now we can start on how to avoid danger. Any noise and I do mean any noise at all should be considered a hoard of starving zombies until proven otherwise. Many times curiosity kills the cat but in this case it just makes it a cat zombie. Now in these cases black and white rules are the best if you here something and what to check it out, DON’T. if you here a scream and want to save someone, DON’T . if you see a little girl on the ground and you want to make sure that she is ok to save her life, shoot her in the head first then see if she’s ok then, because little girls don’t just sit around in zombie land. Here is an example of what not to do:
Guy 1: hey I think I heard something over there.
Guy 2: really lets check it out
Girl 1: maybe we shouldn’t it could be zombies
Guy 2: well we have guns we can kill them
Guy 1: ya shut up and lets go check it out.
- everyone dies

or this is what should happen:
Guy 1: hey I think I heard something over there.
Guy 2: really lets check it out
Girl 1: lets not it could be zombies
Guy 1: ya dumb ass lets check it out and then we will all dye, come on girl 1 lets leave here.
- everyone lives

i think i made my point

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Chris’ rant # 121

Well one day when hell is full and the dead must walk the earth. There will be some very important information that will help you to survive. Well there are a lot of ways that you can protect yourself by avoiding zombies but eventually you will meet up with the walking dead and you will have to take measures into your own hands. There are two way to kill a zombie, which first of all sounds weird because they are already dead. You might be saying to yourself "Chris that’s crazy you cant kill something that is dead" well you are right, you actually are not killing them in the literal sense because as far as I know zombies done have a pulse so they are clinically dead, but instead you are more like stopping them from doing anything else ever, and for ease we will just refer to this as killing them. Where was I… oh yes 2 ways:

1. Massive trauma to the head/brain.
2. Cutting off their head.

Now for those non-zombie-veterans out there you might think that there has to be other ways to kill zombies, right? … WRONG. This is just the thinking that will get you killed. There have been massive studies and research on this and nothing else kills them. So when you encounter then, don’t take its legs out thinking that they will be as good as dead. This will just leave a zombie that will slowly creep up on you and at the point when you think that you are safe it will suddenly reappear and kill you, no matter how far you are from where you took its legs off it will somehow find you to teach you a lesson you wont soon forget, well you will forget it because you will be a zombie and they don’t know much. Trust me.